"How does it feel?" Bob Dylan
Let’s just say it’s all an ongoing grueling struggle to stay present and physically alive, to be awake spiritually, or to stay real and not be boring to ourselves or others. In the meantime people all over the planet close their eyes and shut their minds off. Personally I only want to continue to grow as a human being while I’m here, as a father, as a husband, as a poet, as a philosopher, as my dog’s human, as a comic (a long, long way to go there)—but you get my point, you’re always more than just any one thing in this life, and perhaps you can find some true meaning inside each and every one of those facets of your daily being if you try, if you look, but do they add up to something worth the hardest struggle you have to go through, which by all accounts is as long as a lifetime to complete anyway? My guess is there are as many answers to that question as souls of beings. Perhaps the challenge is to come up with the meaning that fits your own deepest feeling, or perhaps it changes all the time depending on your headspace for it, or your compassion for yourself and others. It’s hard for me to find it in my heart today, that’s all I can tell you. Tomorrow it may be pretty self-evident to me again, but for now, it’s making me question what I’m here for. Right now I’m here for this blog. I am blog, hear me blog.
A lot of the awful pain we feel is self-imposed, and a lot of it comes from those we love, and still a lot more of it comes from total and complete strangers, cutting us off in traffic, treating us like servants, without common courtesy or kindness, cheating, blaming, and judging when what we need is some understanding, some tenderness connecting with our lives. But that’s a two-way street and always will be. So I’m no closer than before to finding the meaning I’m looking for, but I believe it’s got something to do with love as a way of being, where it’s not an impression, not a connection, but a deep satisfying breath taken over and over again without fear of the last count.